Not Even Dumb Can Stop Me


December 4, 2012 by Kriscinda Lee Everitt

I made the throw that Mr. Moggy Pogg is blissfully sleeping on here.

I made the throw that Mr. Moggy Pogg is blissfully sleeping on here.

Despite having made a number of blankets and throws, I am not a crocheter. I can make a loop, and I can do a double stitch. That, apparently, is all it takes to make a big square. And if you pick your colors right, and maybe do a little fringe, it looks very nice and even a little fancy to those who know even less about crocheting than I do.

When my brain is confronted with any sort of equation or code, it switches off. No one else can, but I can actually hear my brain making a duhhhh sound and the drips of its drool that, I’m convinced, come out of my ears. This goes for math, this goes for logical equations (I’m not bad with logic, until I have to prove something with an equation), this also goes for crocheting patterns.

My sis made this...

My sis made this…

I’ve tried to start them, but always quit after the 47th try on the second step, frustrated and annoyed. I can’t look at a book and figure it out. I need to be shown. Thankfully, my little sister showed me some stuff this past weekend.

...and this.

…and this.

By little, I mean she is younger than me—she is, though, 27 years old. And a whiz with the hook. One day she bought some yarn, chose a pattern, and picked up a hook, the next thing we knew, she’s kicking out cool stuff left and right. As I watched this unfolding, my brain sloshed one wonky eye, farted, and refused to assist me in any way to learn the same.

My mother-in-law got me a couple of crocheting books last Xmas, and I was excited about it until I opened them up. Seriously, this is a simple hexagram granny square:

Ch 6, sl st in beg ch to form a ring.

Rnd 1: Ch 3, dc2tog in ring, (ch 3, dc3tog in ring) 5 times, ch 3, sl st in top of beg ch – 6 ch-3 sp.

Rnd 2: Ch 3, (dc2tog, ch 3, dc3tog) in next ch-3 sp, [ch 3, (dc3tog, ch 3, dc3tog) in next ch-3 sp] 5 times, ch 3, sl st in top of beg ch – 12 ch-3 sp.

Rnd 3: Ch 3, dc2tog in next ch-3 sp, [ch 3, (dc3tog, ch 3, dc3tog) in next ch-3 sp, ch 3, * dc3tog in next ch-3 sp] around, end last rep at *, sl st in top of beg ch – 18 ch-3 sp.

Rnd 4: Sl st into beg ch-3 sp, ch 3, 2 dc in same ch-3 sp, [(3 dc, ch 2, 3 dc) in next ch-3 sp, * (3 dc in next ch-3 sp) twice] around, end last rep at *, 3 dc in last ch-3 sp, sl st in top of beg ch.

Rnd 5: Ch 1, sc into same sp, sc in each dc and work 2 sc in each ch-2 sp around, join with sl st in beg sc. Fasten off.

Really? Now, if I go letter by letter, I can figure it out. Slip stitch. Single crochet. Chain 3. Dc2tog…wait, wuh? And, of course, deciphering the code is just the first step. Then you have to figure out how to do a slip stitch, a single crochet, a quadruple half-double-back whammy stitch. Okay, I made that last one up, but you see what I mean.

So, dear sister of mine took pity on my doofus crochetty brain and showed me how to do something else other than the one thing I knew and required no pattern. She taught me how to make a snowflake. With a pattern.

Sunbury Dec Second09I made a few multi-colored Xmassy ones first, but there was something sort of flimsy about the yarn and they seemed to come out too misshapen, or maybe just too floppy (to be either an ornament or a coaster). So, I switched yarn, made three green ones, then made three red ones. And they didn’t come out that badly! Even better, she left the pattern with me after she went home and I was able to go back and follow it. It made sense!

Sunbury Dec Second03That is certainly not to say that all crochet patterns will make sense to me now. I realize that, aside from this flippin’ snowflake (which, soon I’ll be able to make in my sleep) I will probably have to translate into English all future patterns (because my brain absolutely refuses to both read the code and use the hook). I will have to figure out a way to keep track of where I am, as I get lost easily. If I’m struggling with a tiny snowflake, Big A’s going to have to send in a search party on anything bigger and more complicated.

Sunbury Dec Second08But…I feel good about it. I’ve progressed. I can finally say I can do more than my one little trick. And I feel confident that with a little practice, I will be able to tackle different, and maybe even more difficult patterns in the near(ish) future. Thanks, sis!

Note: We are working on getting Sis’s Etsy shop up and running, so if you’re in the market for, perhaps, Baby’s First Cthulhu (with rattle head), that is where you’ll want to start your shopping. Link to come!

Also, WordPress doesn’t seem to want to let me embed videos anymore without paying them cash-money, which won’t happen, so I’m afraid that, to hear the metal, you must now follow the link. Follow this one–South African metal: Crow Black Sky.

8 thoughts on “Not Even Dumb Can Stop Me

  1. Great post, as usual. I miss the ending video. :-(
    You’re really in a lane with these crafts. Have you linked to Pinterest yet? I bet a lot of Pinterest users would love to read and pin your posts.

  2. Cat says:

    I can relate to how you have struggled with learning crochet. I’ve tried to learn but just can’t wrap my mind around it. Other than making jewelry I seem to get stuck on most crafts. I’ve always said that all I need to do is look at a needle and my fingers will bleed :)

    • Kriscinda says:

      Hey, as long as you find one you can excel at, it’s all good. I’m hoping I don’t also have the look-at-needle-fingers-bleed gene as well—I just got a sewing machine (which I haven’t used in about 25+ years) and that would be a massacre. =P ;)

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