Wednesdays with the Spook Brothers: Ask Spook


January 30, 2013 by Kriscinda Lee Everitt

We have two questions for the Spooks this week, so Spook the Elder will take one, and Spook the Younger will take the other.

neil-gaiman-cleavage-shotDear Spook the Elder:

Okay, I thought of a question for Spook the Elder: do ghosts haunt animals, too, or just people?


Dear TravelingMeatbag,

Before I answer your question, let me inform you that the term “ghost” is considered quite offensive in Spookland, and unless you want to be labeled “spookist,” I suggest you evaluate your terminology. Unless, of course, you are spookist, in which case I flip my mitt at you.

Since any proper spook with all his head-plush in its right order hates filthbags of all shapes and sizes, it stands to reason that we would stay as far away from the nasty little things as possible. Sometimes, though, we cannot always control our meatbags, and you have the tragic situation described here by a previous reader. My brother and I have been dealing with our own filthbag nightmare for about five years now, and let me tell you, it ain’t no picnic.

So, to answer your question, yes, we do sometimes haunt filthbags, but only if we have to for purposes of making our meatbags miserable, or, as is often the case, for a laugh.


Anon+Unknown_userDear Spook the Younger:

With promises that I’m not being snide or disingenuous to my fellow meatbags who choose to make their bread by pen and paper, what sort of responsibilities do writers undertake to their readers? Specifically, are writers bound by unspoken duty to produce some quantum of material to appease those whom the writer endeavored to and did ensnare with the seductive promise of their literary potential? Ultimately, indentured servitude until a writer stops considering herself a creator of wordy-pictures: yay or nay?



Um…let me just step in here a moment and translate. Spook, he is asking what sort of responsibility a writer has to their readership once they’ve, say, started a blog. Are they responsible for providing daily posts once they’ve established an audience for those posts, or can they really do whatever the hell they want?

Oh, I see. Well.

Dear Anonymous Meatbag,

I am of the opinion that any meatbag that screws up for any reason should be killed. Come to think of it, I’m pretty much of the opinion that all meatbags should, for any reason—or no reason, really—be killed. That being said, though, if a meatbag is doing something that upsets other meatbags, then that can be allowed to slide and the offending meatbag should only be whipped. Hmmm…let me see here…

Okay. All meatbags have a baseline ‘kill’ status, naturally. If a meatbag is being annoying to spooks, that meatbag gets a ‘torture and kill’ status, but if the meatbag upsets other meatbags, they just get a ‘torture’ status. After the action is carried out, all statuses revert back to the baseline ‘kill’ status, unless death occurs. If death occurs, meatbags go to Spookland, where they finally get to shed their disgusting meatbag bodies.

I hope that answers your question.

No, wait, that doesn’t answer his question at all.

Oh, come on.

No, it doesn’t. *sigh* Okay, I’ll answer it.

Dear Meatbag, er…Anonymous,

That’s a tough one. I guess it depends on how seriously she takes her blog. If she wants to keep her blog going and keep the readership she’s established—even if very small—it would behoove her to post regularly. Of course, no one online has any real responsibility to anyone else online, and as a writer, particularly an unpaid one—she might have to occasionally put her resources into something that is either monetarily rewarding, or something that’s even closer to her heart than a blog. That said, the small successes of a blog are rewarding, and if she’s smart, she will express her gratefulness and repay her readers with more blog posts. Because, let’s face it, her readers could very easily be someone else’s readers. And maybe she needs to remember that when she’s organizing her schedule for each week.

That answer sucks.

Shut up, Spook.

*mitt, mitt, mitt, mitt, mitt, mitt, mitt…*


Posing at the John Know House, Edinburgh, Scotland.

Old school Spookland blog posting.

Here’s Germany’s KrautnauT with “Spook.”

4 thoughts on “Wednesdays with the Spook Brothers: Ask Spook

  1. Awesome. Thank you, Spook, and shame on me for not having read that previous post more carefully for your thoughts on filthbags. And my sincerest apologies for using the term “ghost” – please don’t label me spookist! :-)

  2. iheartsatan says:

    To be fair they think most people are spookist.

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